After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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