So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you traded sex for a burrito?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have feelings that need drinking.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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