my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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