What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
