Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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