You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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