Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
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It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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