The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
