He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I am available for nakedness
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
