Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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