so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
