Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
