Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
