three words: i give head
three words: not that well
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
