i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
