To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
