dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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