Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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