That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
