I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
