I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
