Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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