His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
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He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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