Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
