she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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