There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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