The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
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