I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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