I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
