for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
