No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
