you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
