At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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