pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
then he tried to convert me to islam
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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