It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We don't watch enough power rangers
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
