I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
