dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
