Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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