someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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