Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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