I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
