we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
