my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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