3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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