I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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