watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
