how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
