So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.