her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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