i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
