im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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