Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
