guys are not supposed to queef...right?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
