Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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