did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
