I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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