Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
