Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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