I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
