hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
