I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
