They should really pass out barf bags in church
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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