ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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