I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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