Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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