My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
