My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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