yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
