It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
