Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
