What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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