the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
