Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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