i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Drunk is not a location!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
