I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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