so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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