We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
