I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The air taste purple.
Randomize
