I got chris browned last night
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
