she woke up with a sticky ear
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
