Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
