I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
