Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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